Arrhythmia Read online

  “No!” I wheezed.

  “Yes, of course,” Vera lied.

  What the hell has gotten into Vera? Is she drunk? I was ready to kill her.

  I tried to convey this as well as other threats to Vera with my eyes. She, however, paid very little attention to my anger and continued to beam at Desiderio instead.

  I was still coughing as she carried on with her insanity. “Yeah, Lena has mentioned you a bunch. You two seem to have a lot of fun together at work.”

  “Oh yes,” Desiderio answered. “We get on splendidly, don’t we?”

  Since I was approaching asphyxia, I was in no position to comment on this impertinence. With tears in my eyes, I fought for air until Desiderio finally took pity and slapped me on the back. Soon, the panic in my throat subsided, though I might have just been distracted by his hand, which lingered between my shoulder blades. I could feel its warmth through the thin fabric of my dress.

  “Better now?” he asked.

  I quickly slipped away from the strong hand and wiped my eyes while I gave Vera a look intended to make her understand that she was close to dying a violent death. But she just gave an innocent smile and winked at me conspiratorially.

  Fucking traitor!

  “What do you want, Desiderio?” I snapped once I was halfway able to breathe again.

  “I want to have a conversation with you.”

  “Don’t you have any friends?”

  “Oh, I do. Plenty.”

  “Then why don’t you just go have a conversation with them?” I asked angrily.

  “Because they aren’t nearly as attractive as you,” he answered without hesitation.

  Vera giggled and I grumbled. Irritated, I sucked down my drink in one chug.

  Desiderio watched me with glistening eyes. At least he refrained from making a comment about the straw. “You see? Your glass is empty, and I can finally buy you a drink! Was that a Long Island?”

  I made a face. “I’m not thirsty right now.”

  “Hm . . . Perhaps you’d like to dance with me?”

  “Dance, yes. With you, no.”

  “Why not? I’m a good dancer.” He pretended to be a little hurt.

  “Sure. Anyone can say that.”

  “Don’t you believe me? I can prove it to you!”

  “No, thanks.” I waved him away haughtily. “No need.”

  He thought for a moment. “Could this have something to do with those dirty mental images you mentioned earlier?”

  Vera giggled again. Desiderio grinned at me mischievously.

  I put on my best bitch face and said nothing. It wouldn’t have done any good anyway.

  He heaved an exaggerated sigh. “All right, then. You don’t want anything to drink, you don’t want to dance . . . so we’ll just stand around the way people do in any decent club.”

  “You’re going to drive me insane,” I said without meaning to. “There are plenty of women here for you to seduce. All you have to do is choose one!”

  He looked at me solemnly. “But I already have.”

  His look overwhelmed me, and I was close to collapsing.

  “Go find a different one, then!” I snapped angrily. I dragged a very surprised Vera toward the dance floor by her arm.

  “Lena! Are you nuts? Why would you treat him like that?” she asked loudly.

  Furious, I turned to her. “Excuse me? Who’s gone nuts here? I really ought to kick your ass for what you said back there. ‘I’ve heard sooo much about you!’ Are you out of your damn mind? I can’t get away from his come-ons, and you have to encourage him? What were you thinking?”

  Now it was Vera’s turn to get angry. She put her hands on her hips and glared right back at me. “Come back to earth, OK? If you’d just open your eyes for once in your life. This Desiderio guy is Prince fucking Charming! He’s handsome, smart, sexy . . . and most of all, he’s crazy about you! Are you really too stupid to see that?”

  “All that guy wants to do is get me into bed so I won’t mess up his stats.”

  “Nonsense! What makes you so sure?”

  “Just look at him!”

  “Oh believe me, I have. And I’ll tell you one thing: he’s making a pretty insane amount of effort for a one-night stand.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “That means I don’t agree with you at all.”

  “You don’t even know him!”

  “No, but neither do you. Just think about it.”

  For a moment, we glared at each other silently.

  “Fine, whatever,” I finally relented. “Let’s forget about it and go dance a little. It’s your birthday!”

  Vera nodded, well aware of how stubborn we both were. “But you know my opinion on the matter,” she warned.

  “Yeah, yeah, come on!”

  We pushed our way through and joined the fray on the dance floor. Despite the late hour, Go was still packed. Using my elbows, I gracefully carved out just enough space for us to dance.

  The music felt awesome. Just the thing for unwinding.

  I closed my eyes and felt the bass vibrate in my abdomen. Almost automatically, I started moving my body to the rhythm. The flashing of the big spotlights, the loud music, and, not least, the Long Island Iced Tea temporarily transported me to another world. A world with no cares. At that moment, the only thing that mattered was the here and now, and that consisted of having fun!

  I playfully threw my arms in the air and gyrated my hips to a mixture of techno and Latin American rhythms. Vera did the same and even uttered a cry of joy.

  After a while, I came back to myself a little and ventured a glance back to our spot at the bar.

  Unbelievable.

  Desiderio was still there, watching—and even waving at me!

  Time to find out who had greater endurance, me while dancing or him while standing around and being bored. Certain of victory, I turned away and devoted myself to the music.

  At some point, I noticed that someone kept bumping into me. At first I was slightly peeved, but then I realized it was some kind of unsophisticated come-on. I looked over at the bar to make sure the dancer trying to rub up behind me wasn’t Desiderio.

  But he hadn’t budged. The only change was that now he was talking to Sebastian and Frank.

  What an SOB! Now he was going after my friends.

  And it looked like they were getting along famously.

  I automatically clenched my fists as I considered going over there, grabbing him by the collar, and dragging him outside. Or would it be better to tell a bouncer that that slick character in the blue shirt had sexually harassed me? Ha! Those gorillas would take care of things before he even knew what hit him! I was strongly considering finding one when I felt the dancer bump up against me again.

  I peeked behind me and recognized the guy with the snake tattoo. He wasn’t what you might call a gifted dancer, but he was doing his best to impress me. He tried to draw my attention to his jacked biceps, but the inflated muscles turned me more off than on.

  Again I looked over to Desiderio, who was still watching. His face seemed tense, and there was no trace of his earlier lightheartedness.

  Aha!

  Prince Charming had noticed that Snake Tattoo was hitting on me, and he was not at all pleased.

  Aw, too bad!

  I turned to my admirer with a broad smile and danced with him.

  Admittedly, it wasn’t very mature of me, but it just felt nice that for once it was Desiderio who was furious and not me.

  And he was definitely furious!

  Even from afar, I could see him grinding his teeth. If looks could kill, Snake Tattoo would have keeled over.

  What fun!

  Desiderio’s reaction stoked me so much that I even permitted the stranger to grab my hips from behind.
He pressed me into his pelvis and forced me into gyrating movements that absolutely did not fit with the music.

  I actually hated dancing like this. I wasn’t some kind of dance-floor slut. It was only Desiderio’s chalky-white face that made me let Snake Tattoo touch me like that.

  At some point, Vera grabbed me by the arm and tore me away from the strange hands.

  “What the hell are you trying to do?” she hissed.

  “Huh? I’m dancing!”

  “Wrong! That dude is trying to jack off on you. That shit has nothing to do with dancing.”

  I immediately felt ashamed for my childish behavior.

  “You’re right,” I admitted with my shoulders hanging. “Come on. Let’s go.”

  I gave Snake Tattoo a hand signal to tell him I had to leave with my friend. He looked so disappointed that I almost felt sorry for him.

  I quickly scampered behind Vera back to the bar. I was even more ashamed of my stupid behavior when I saw Desiderio. He was standing with his arms crossed, glowering at me. His eyes were so dark that I was almost frightened.

  Since I was not in the mood for one of his stupid pronouncements, I turned right just before the bar. “I have to go to the restroom,” I quickly said to Vera before fleeing yet again. What a coward I was!

  The club crowd was gradually tapering off, so there was no traffic jam in the ladies’ room. I found a stall right away, slammed the door shut, and rested my sweaty forehead against it.

  Shit, that had really been a dumb move on my part. I regularly ridiculed women who felt they had to impress men by dancing like that, and now I had suddenly mutated into one myself. Oh God, how embarrassing!

  And once again, Desiderio was to blame . . .

  Because for once I’d felt like I could get even with him. Man, I simply couldn’t think straight where this guy was concerned.

  Shit!

  The evening was turning, slowly but surely, into a catastrophe. My head pounded, and my feet were hurting from the high heels. In addition, I was feeling pretty woozy.

  The best solution was for me to go home and bathe in self-pity.

  I washed my hands and looked at myself. A radiant beauty? No. But it was good enough for the walk home.

  “Did you have to change your panties?” someone asked as I stepped into the hallway. Of course, I immediately recognized his voice. It was only the hateful tone that was new to me.

  “Pardon?”

  “Well, after your porno performance just now, that guy is definitely cleaning himself off.”

  Wow, that really was nasty.

  My lower lip began to quiver. “My dancing doesn’t concern you.”

  “But it does.”

  “And you’re loitering around the ladies’ room to tell me that?”

  “I have to, since you’re always running away from me.”

  Without being asked, he walked alongside me. “You’re running away from me at this moment.”

  Damn it.

  I stopped.

  “What else?” I asked. Because I was swaying a little, I leaned against the wall just to be safe.

  Desiderio shook his head. “Why are you always angry at me?”

  I stared at him as if he’d gone crazy. “Well, maybe because you’re constantly provoking me? And now you’re surprised? How many times have I told you to leave me alone, huh?”

  “Oh, once or twice, maybe?”

  “More like a hundred. Why don’t you respect me enough to accept it?”

  All at once, he looked really downtrodden. “Because I just like you too much,” he said quietly.

  I was dumbfounded. “Pff,” was all I could say as I tried to avoid his eyes.

  “Why can’t you believe me?” he sighed.

  “Oh, go on,” I hissed. “Tell Steffi all about your heartfelt feelings, but spare me!”

  “Steffi?” he repeated incredulously. “Where do you get that idea?”

  I shrugged and studied the lighting. “Well, you two seemed to be having such a great conversation earlier.”

  Huh? Why am I holding that against him now?

  Desiderio’s face brightened. “Aha, so that’s what this is about! Really, Lena. You could have saved yourself the performance. I’m not so keen on plastic hair, you know.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You didn’t have to dance with that jerk to make me jealous.” Desiderio grinned. “It really wasn’t necessary.”

  “Crap!” I cried, feeling as though I had been caught. I turned to run again. Desiderio was quicker, though, and placed his hands on the wall to stop me.

  For a few moments, he held me hostage and looked down at me almost lovingly. That did me in. My heart was racing and beating out strange rhythms inside my chest. My legs turned soft as butter and my breath sped up. Like a frightened deer, I looked at him with big eyes, paralyzed with shock.

  His unmistakable scent enveloped me like cotton wool. Desiderio was so close that I could feel the heat of his body. I could see all the details of his features: his smooth forehead, his curved eyebrows, his dark lashes, the wild ocean-blue of his eyes, the straight nose, the full lips . . .

  Desiderio raised one hand and placed it close to my head. “Your hair is much more beautiful than hers,” he breathed, and gently swept a strand out of my face.

  In doing so, he touched my hot cheek and, at that moment, I stopped breathing altogether. My whole body was covered with goose bumps, and I automatically closed my eyes with pleasure.

  Oh my God, if one tiny touch made my body react like this, what would happen if . . .

  Stop!

  I opened my eyes wide and went into hysterics.

  “Stop it!” I screeched and pushed his arm aside. I jumped away from him and screamed angrily, “Why are you doing all this? I don’t want to have sex with you! Well, OK, that’s a lie. I have thought about it at one time or another but, first of all, a one-night stand between coworkers is very dangerous and, second, I have no desire to become just another one of your conquests. It’s a matter of principle. For chrissake, why are you trying so hard in the first place? All this pursuit and posturing is a little much since you’re just trying to get me into the sack, don’t you think?”

  My honesty astonished even me. In these few sentences, I had told him everything that had been on my mind for weeks. Damn alcohol.

  Desiderio’s reaction was infuriatingly calm. In fact, he was serenity personified when he answered, “Of course, you’re right. It would be an awful lot of effort to get you into the sack. But, you see, my plan was not to let you get out.”

  What was that supposed to mean? Did he mean he wanted a long-term fling or a serious relationship? By now I was completely flustered, as usual.

  “You . . . you . . . you . . .” I stammered like an imbecile.

  He shamelessly took advantage of my confusion and again stepped close to me. He placed his hand on my upper arm. “Please give me the chance to prove it to you.”

  I was flooded with many emotions all at once: joy, excitement, tenderness, uncertainty, and, most of all, fear. Fear of making a huge mistake. Again.

  I brushed off his hand. “No, I can’t,” I blurted and fled for the third time that evening.

  “Wait!” he called after me.

  Panic-stricken, I hurried off. I heard someone call, “Hey, Desiderio! Where’ve you been?” He was detained. That was a good thing.

  When I got back to Vera, I was beside myself.

  “Oh my God, what happened to you?” she asked, alarmed.

  “You know what, I’m not feeling too great,” I said, without even lying. “I have to go home and get to bed.”

  She nodded empathetically, probably attributing my pallor to excessive alcohol consumption. “Do you want us to take you?”

  “Oh no, that’s al
l right,” I quickly declined. “I’ll be fine. You stay and enjoy yourselves. I’ll call you tomorrow, OK? Good night!”

  I left Go in a hurry before Desiderio could come after me.

  Chapter 15

  I stomped down the main street with my heels clacking and tried to sort out my thoughts.

  Desiderio was asking me for a chance. But at what price? If I let my defenses down, I would fall hopelessly for him. I had never been so attracted to a man before.

  What if I gave him a chance and he ruined it?

  I was afraid that if that happened, I’d fall into such a deep hole that I’d never manage to climb out.

  I had good reason for my reluctance to trust. I knew exactly what it felt like to have my heart ripped out of my chest. I had suffered the experience a few years earlier and sworn to myself that I would never go through anything like that again.

  Grim and confused, I continued to trip toward home. All it took was a small pebble to make me twist my right ankle.

  Shitty heels!

  I was close to tears. Now it wasn’t just the balls of my feet that hurt. I had also overstretched the lateral ligaments.

  Cursing, I bent over to massage my smarting ankle. Since whimpering didn’t help anything, I limped on with clenched teeth.

  Just a few more steps down the road, I cursed again and summarily took off my pumps. I considered throwing the murderous footwear into a hedge, but given their exorbitant price, I decided against it.

  The asphalt was damn cold, dirty, and rockier than I would have imagined. With every other step, sharp pebbles stabbed at my feet. I looked at the whole thing as some kind of self-flagellation, a fitting ending to an altogether fucked-up evening.

  Damn, damn, damn!

  I padded on and turned down a small side street, wondering what things would be like between Desiderio and me now. My path took me past an endless row of garages, and the sound of my bare feet softly echoed off the walls of the apartment buildings that rose along the street.

  My thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the sound of other, clearly shod, steps. I pricked up my ears in fright.

  Stay cool, Lena. You’re not the only person in Wollbach walking home this evening!